Stuck in Break-Up Land

Lost at Sea

For all the emails I have not sent,
The texts I erased, after typing them one slow
Letter at a time, the posts I thought
About posting on our still mutual friends’ walls,
For all the discipline and practice of letting go,
I am stuck in break-up land.

That bleak and empty void filled with memory after memory,
Where the past turns to black and white
And the touch of your lips on mine
Seems like a fruit out of season.

Love is not what I miss most, for while it
Hummed beneath the waves, it did not crash upon the shore or
Rocks and stir the wanting you so desired.
Instead, I mourn our understanding of the sea,
Our partnership during the voyage.
The knowing that comes from sailing open waters,
Weathering storms, drifting apart and back together again.
The smell of salt and comfort of rocking.

Land on the horizon has given you freedom,
The possibility of setting out once again.
Sails full, skies clear, the promise of mermaids certain.
For your sake, I hope you’ve unchained the precious
Cargo you carry in your chest.

Still, here I drift.
My hands run through the water, as I explain to my heart
over and over, that it cannot be grasped.

I pray the waves carry me far and lay
Me upon some other sandy beach
For while this anchor is heavy,
I will not let it sink me.